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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Excellent, great, deelicious writing! Near perfect writing but for a few flaws and grammar errors. Definetely worth the time reading it. Already waiting for the second chapter. Too bad people stopin the prologue, they don't know what they miss.
With the highest regards, your loyal reader, Amniel
Excellent, great, deelicious writing! Near perfect writing but for a few flaws and grammar errors. Definetely worth the time reading it. Already waiting for the second chapter. Too bad people stopin the prologue, they don't know what they miss.
With the highest regards, your loyal reader, Amniel
PS. I stayed up to 02:15 in the morning to read and review this
I know it may not seem like it, but I wrote this poem a while back. "My Love For You" was written when we were still together and I was attached. I broke up with him yesterday and I'm not over it. I can't change my work now and I don't want to. It is in memory of the times we have had and there are others that were written lately about what is going on. Sometimes, I think you have to read the oldest through the newest of my literature to understand what all is happening. Most of my poems are true or based on true stories. Thank you for your feedback. I always like reviews....Thanks!!!
-Bailey Holcomb
Okay, I see castle's pointed out the numerous spelling and grammar mistakes. Make sure you use your spellcheck ^^
I think you should remove the 'you'. "Wake up, urchin!" flows better, and is a stronger sentence. Plus it is more natural.
You've already stated he slept through an entire day, and why wouldn't he know? Surely he would know where he fell asleep?
Get rid of 'regulation'. It's obvious that he's a soldier, and what they carry is generally regulation. If it wasn't regulation, then maybe then it would deserve an explanation.
....just read it, you'll see what's wrong here.
Get rid of 'from where he'd been hit'. Hitting your head is how you get concussion, you don't have to explain. It's a waste of precious words
-blinks- he's thirteen? He didn't come off as that young. Maybe make him a bit more....childish?
If he's had concussion, this would be really dangerous. There's a reason you have to lay off contact sports after having concussion XD
Midnight? Cliche much. >< I would prefer to see you use simply 'black' if you can't come up with an original metaphor or simile. Looking at the rest of this sentence, it's obvious it's black, so just cut it out all together.
As someone else said, this would be pretty noticeable, and people would be saying "What the hell?"
If he knew it so well, why didn't he know where he was when he woke up? Even if he was disorientated, he would recognize something.
And at thirteen, How would he know so much about the countryside? And why would anyone accept him, a mere scruffy boy, as a guide?
I thought he was already there....obviously, you need to describe the surroundings a little more.
Wouldn't people notice?
Obviously. Take this out, it's not needed.
Overall, you have a pretty decent idea. You just need to flesh it out and think it through. Some ideas won't work- red eyes are really noticeable, I know that I for one look at the eyes on a person first. If it's a known trait then Wham! Dead werewolf.
Also, his scar could only really be gotten two ways- the werewolf punishment or a failed hanging. Either of these are a huge warning sign to anyone who sees.
You need to clarify where he is for a start. I thought he was already in the city. Remember, description is your friend, and make sure to include all five sentences. This is what separates a book from a movie.
Also, I didn't really feel for your main character. Work into showing us his emotions then just telling us. The showing is what separates a story from a report. He would be stressed, worried, lonely, and tired. He would be dizzy from his concussion, and possibly quite bitter. How did it make him feel when his friend was discussing demon hunting?
Also, how did he and his brother meet up after the full moon, in the past? Just wondering.
You have a lot of info-dumping. Try and tie the information into the plot. For instance:
'The iron necklace around his neck was more then just decoration. Iron was one of the few things that could prevent a werewolf from morphing once night falls, and most of his kind kept some of this metal on them.'
But, it's not as bad as you think. You have a pretty good concept going, just stop and think it through, and make sure you can justify any information you give or any action he does. You want to have a character with motives, this makes him more realistic.
If you have any questions, PM me. I'll be glad to help.
-Nutty
I have one more thing to point out. Sorry I didn't put this in before, but here it is:
If Bane has blood-red eyes, and people know that's a werewolf trait, why or how would he be able to travel incognito in scocity? Some form of magic or the fact only a select few know about that trait? Tell us why he's not hunted down in human form.
Wonderful. Perhaps a mod could look at that? Try PMing one of them or something.
I have tried to edit the weird indent-space thing, but it won't work. Sorry!
Here as requested.
The boy is a rather vague term. Replace it with either "he" or "Bane."
We've seen the prologue where Bane has shifted. Since "Bane" is a pretty unusual name, we don't need this little bit of info.
You've mentioned it's crowded twice. Cut one of them.
The pronoun/antecedent relationship is really fuzzy in here. Use the proper names more often to avoid confusion. Put an "or" between eighteen and twenty-two.
"Packs" implies "in groups." Delete "traveling in groups."
Again, "the young werewolf" is vague. Feel free to use proper nouns and simple "he"s. And you've changed what Bane is. A boy in the first mention like this, a young werewolf in the second.
I think it's pretty obvious why Bane's mood is sour.
I'm guessing there are vampires in this world as well? If they have no other mention besides this then alter the description. Also, "around her cheeks" isn't how you'd describe the colour on somebody's face. Try: "On her cheeks."
You could get away with this, since it's third person, but "contemplating" feels too fancy for this sentence. Like I said, it's doable, but not necessarily the best word to use.
Hmm, what are the gods/goddesses called in your world? "God" is usually an Earth-related thing. Come up with a god/goddess for Bane to think of in a situation like this.
The "Aye. That's it." makes it pretty obvious he's lying. Also, the second bit of dialogue doesn't fit with your description of his speech as "common."
All-in-all pretty good. There is quite a bit of telling here, but since you give some sort of plot information that makes the background needed it's okay. It could use some minor revision, like do you really need all that stuff about shifting right then, but other then that.
Try putting the character's thoughts in italics. It makes the switch from third person to first easier on the reader.
Your language doesn't have much of a change from your voice and the character's voice. Since Bane is supposed to be common born and your writing style has got some really good vocab words a more definite break is needed. I'm not saying to tone down all of your writing (I like the variance of words in the prose), just the character's thoughts/speech.
One final thing: The second half of this is in very even lines and completely indented. Let the lines run as they wants to, and only indent new paragraphs.
Hope I helped!
How about this: The sun was shining gimly, turning a pale pinkish-orange hue. The two sentences sound to short, so I linked them together.
i'm pretty sure you mean 'as'.
I love that line. Splashed is an amazing adjective to use there. Great choice!
what about Bastion?
I don't know, I just randomly found that on Y! answers.
Great job, hope you continue !
Thank you
I'll edit it...
Jesus, I suck at writing...
Here as requested, Haruno!
I presume what you mean by 'conciseness' is in fact 'consciousness.' Yeah?
Rephrase: "What do you want?" he said, rubbing his eyes.
Sun is spelt with a 'u', not 'o'. It's 'sun.'
These two thoughts aren't related, so you should begin a new paragraph for the second sentence.
Again, this sentence isn't related to the crest plate sentence. Begin a new paragraph.
Of the kingdom of what? You're missing the last word.
Insert 'that' before 'it'.
Replace 'pants' with 'trousers'.
Redundant. Nix it.
Except. Not 'accept'. And remove the quotes from around 'unique', it stops the reader from taking you seriously.
Whoah there. This is what we call an info-dump. All this information about he, his brother and their history and road-travelling habits should be shown through the reader as we go along, instead of told. Show, don't tell. The most valuable advice a writer can get.
Here are some tips that will help make your writing more vivid and alive for your reader.
This is probably one of the first things my teacher tells us when he has the class write personal essays. Dialogue allows the reader to experience a scene as if they were there. Instead of telling the reader your mom was angry, they can hear it for themselves:
“Justin Michael,” mom bellowed, “Get in here this instant!”
Crappiest example ever, but you get my drift. Dialogue can give your reader a great deal about character, emotion and mood.
In order for readers to fully experience what you’re writing about, they need to be able to see, hear, taste, smell and touch the world around them. Try to use language that incorporates several senses, not just sight.
I’m sure everyone remembers learning to use adjectives and adverbs in elementary school. When we’re told to be more descriptive, it’s easy to go back to those things that we were taught. But being descriptive is more than just inserting a string of descriptive words. It’s carefully choosing the right words and using them sparingly to convey your meaning.
The following example is from a short story I wrote.
Telling: He sits on the couch holding his guitar.
There’s nothing wrong with that sentence. It gives the reader some basic information, but it doesn’t create an image. Compare that sentence with this:
Showing: His eyes are closed, and he’s cradling the guitar in his arms like a lover. It’s as if he’s trying to hold on to something that wants to let go.
The second example takes that basic information and paints a picture with it. It also uses figurative language—in this case, the simile “cradling the guitar in his arms like a lover”—to help create an image.
When using description, it’s important not to overdo it. Otherwise, you can end up with what I call “police blotter” description. For example:
He was tall, with brown hair and blue eyes. He wore a red shirt and jeans, and a brown leather jacket.
Instead of writing, for example, “I had never felt anything like it before in my entire life,” take the time to try and describe what that feeling was, and then decide how best to convey that feeling to the reader. Your readers will thank you for it.
Misspelling. It's 'claustrophobia.'
Again, too much of an info dump. See the show, don't tell info above. This is like reading a history lesson about werewolves - not good.
Misspelling of jewelry.
Cannot = Could not.
Is = Was. Check your tenses.
On a night of full moon. Or something like that.
This really doesn't make sense.
Innocently doesn't fit.
Me = him.
You've overdone the stuttering. You should be showing his anxiety through other methods.
Put this in italics; its his thoughts.
Then = Than. And the fullstop after 'too' should be a comma.
The first part of this sentence is really clunky. You need to rephrase.
Using brackets stops the reader from taking you seriously.
Dilapidated is spelt with an 'i' after the 'd'. And you've spelt 'peeling' wrong.
My = by.
Common speech shouldn't be capitalised.
You keep missing out a word after 'kingdom of'. You have to tell us, the kingdom of -insert place-
How can you sniff defiantly?
'Week's' should have an apostrophe in it, like I've just done.
Overall thoughts :
You have some good ideas here. I have to be honest and tell you I wasn't really captivated by it. The whole werewolf thing has been overdone to death, you need to get some originality in here. Your description is good at times, but not consistent. Oh and I have to say - the formatting in the last part is bodged. You suddenly indented it to the right and gave it double spacing .This made it very difficult to read.
You need to work on characterisation; I can't really see the characters' personalities comin gout. the main character is good, but should be developing more. Creating a believable, three-dimensional character requires you to know them inside and out. If you don't know your characters then how can you convey who they are to your readers? Flesh out your character. If you are developing one very important character, have fun with it! Give your character an entire profile! What is his/her name? Where were they born, and when? Do they wear striped socks or solid ones? Is their hair blue or flame-red? Write down a bunch of these details, even if they may not be necessary for the story.
Now, unless you have a natural ability to create phenomenal characters at will, you are going to have to put some work into it.
When developing a story idea, the first step is to decide what type of character you need to make the plot work. A romance novel will require a different sort of hero from a war novel. Once you have your story idea in mind, it's time to flesh out those characters.
One of the ways to do this is with a character interview. The first time I heard this term I was very skeptical. Interview my character? 'But he's not real! You've got to be kidding.'
No, my instructor wasn't kidding. She was very serious. A character interview is a good way to develop a character. Before you start to do the interview, answer a few questions about the character.
1) What does your character look like? Taste in clothes, physical flaws, birthmarks, tattoos, etc.
2) How does she behave? Does she have pet expressions, gestures, mannerisms? Is she quick to anger or does she withdraw from conflict?
3) How does your character speak? Writing dialect can kill a good novel if it's too hard to follow, but this is more than just accent. Does your character use flowery prose to describe the simplest of things? Does he use a minimum of words?
4) How does your character interact with other characters? Is he kind and giving? Does he allow himself to be walked on or is he prickly and standoffish?
When you know all these things about your character, you don't have to worry about writing something contradictory to your character's nature. When you can picture your character as a living, breathing, larger than life person, then you can make him/her jump off the page. The more real a character is to you, the more real they will be to your readers.
Show characters in different lights when you get a chance. Yes, a character in question can also be a villain. Show them interacting with different people, seeing the world through their own perspective, having their inner monologues, contradicting themselves(yet make sure these contradictions apply consistently and make sense), changing into different directions, having crises of faiths, justifying themselves, making decisions and taking actions of their own, taking chances, making mistakes, trying to make up for them and, the most important of all, getting in different conflicts, be they large-scale, personal or interpersonal.
Good Luck!
-Sarah
I've copied and pasted this here so that I can go back and edit later, I don't have time just now, but later I'll do my review on this post
Yes, I know the prolouge isn't finished, but several people told me to move on and go back to it later. Basically all you need to know is Fang was captured by a group of humans and Bane was knocked out. Bane is waking up and is rather confuzzled
Chapter One
"Wake up, you urchin!" A rough voice with a heavy Northern accent grated Bane's eardrums as he stirred himself into conciseness.
"What do you want?" he said as he rubbed his eyes. The son was shining dimly. It had turned a pale pinkish-orange. He’d slept through the entire day. His vision blurred, and then cleared as he looked up and saw several Royal Soldiers dressed in full regalia. The royal family's crest was on their breastplates. He wondered how long he'd been asleep and where he was.
"The royal family is coming through Ostia tonight, and the city leaders want all the poor off the street. It spoils their reputation. So that means you too!" said a young soldier, striking Bane with the butt of his regulation pike.
Ostia, thought Bane. So that's where I am. Ostia was a major port city of the kingdom of. He hadn't realized how far west he had wandered- all the way to the sea. After Fang had been kidnapped- or whatever had happened that night- Bane had wandered aimlessly for days, unaware of anything, his head still throbbing with a concussion from when he'd been hit.
He could hardly remember any of it. Filthy humans. They'd taken his sister from him, and now his brother. Fang.
Bane rolled over and closed his eyes. "Can't you just go away, you bastards?"
The Northern soldier squatted down to Bane's level and leaned in close to the thirteen-year old's face. "Excuse me?" he asked threateningly. His breath was an acrid mixture of alcohol and pipe smoke.
The younger soldier who had struck Bane earlier now whacked him on the head. Bane stuck out his tongue. "All right! I'll get up!" He got slowly to his feet.
The boy and the soldiers stared at one another for a moment, and then the soldiers left.
Bane decided he would go into town after all.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I don't look that pitiable do I?" Bane asked himself out loud as he stretched his long arms. He stared down at his bare and calloused feet and laughed. "I look like a bloody tramp!"
Bane was tall with a lean muscular frame and broad shoulders. His midnight shoulder-length hair was so dark it shone with a subtle blue hue and hung into his eyes constantly. He wore a tattered pair of beige pants, and a shirt that had a few holes, but wasn't half bad by his standards. Which are admittedly a bit low, he mused. His most noticeable feature was a stunning pair of blood red eyes.
Perhaps less noticeable, accept at night- Bane had another "unique" feature. He was a werewolf.
Bane strained his ears and heard the noise of busy city life: laughter, animals scuffling, and vendors selling their goods.
He was about half a mile outside of Ostia, just off of a well-traveled path. Most of was covered by forest. Cities and towns were hundreds of miles apart from each other, connected by long convoluted paths. There were some major roads, but Bane preferred to take the less crowded ways- often meaning he traveled without a path at all. Bane knew the kingdom like the back of his hand. He was aware of all the shortcuts, all the trails that had long been forgotten.
For the past several years, he and Fang had worked as wilderness guides, leading travelers safely to their destinations for a fee. There was always someone looking to find their way. He and his brother had made quite a few close friends that way.
Bane picked up his pack and made his way toward the crowded path. He hardly ever took this path because of the heavy traffic from merchants on it.
When Bane finally got to Ostia, he felt an immediate sense of cluastrophobia. He hated being around so many humans at once. It made him paranoid. It brought back memories of massacres he'd seen- the bodies of his people writhing in agony, grotesquely twisting and screaming- all because of a little chain of silver placed on their necks.
His cheeks flushed red as a familiar hatred rushed through his blood.
"Aye, Bane! Long time no see, eh?" someone abruptly called out to him. Bane glanced up and all the hatred immediately left his body. It was Jeb, one of Bane's only human friends. Jeb was a wilderness guide, and he had often gone on trips with clients with Bane and Fang. He was a tall, gangly man of probably eighteen-twenty-two. He wasn't entirely sure. Orphaned at an early age when berserkers from the Northernlands had ransacked his village, he'd been forced to fend for himself his entire life.
As far as he was concerned, Bane was an orphan as well. He could never reveal the truth to Jeb.
Werewolves were hated all over with a lethal passion. They were regarded as demons or evil creatures. Of course, even werewolves referred to themselves ad demons. They were feared because they killed people, and because no one really new anything about them. Humans feared the unknown. It was a common misconception that werewolves only shifted on the full moon, and that they killed for pleasure.
The truth was far different. Werewolves shifted involuntarily every night, as soon as the sun went down, unless prevented by something such as iron. Iron, silver, and the plant wolfs bane were the only things Bane knew of to prevent shifting.
Bane kept a small supply of wolfsbane, as well as a thin chain of iron that could be worn around his neck like jewlery, in case he ever needed to be with humans at night. He often wore his iron necklace when guiding people to their destinations.
He never used silver because werewolves were "allergic" to silver. Silver burned their skin, and if they were exposed to it for too long, they'd die a death of intense pain. Humans often executed Bane's kind by capturing them, binding them with iron handcuffs or force-feeding them wolfs bane so they cannot shift, and then placing silver chains around their neck. It was the cruelest way to kill someone. Bane himself had a vicious scar around his neck from when he'd been caught in one of these massacres. It was red and angry-looking necklace that always reminded him of the day he lost his sister.
However, on a full moon, it is impossible for a werewolf to avoid shifting. On full moon, a werewolf truly became the worst kind of demon imagineable. They'd kill without thought, including their own kind. A werewolf couldn't control their actions during the full moon. Days before the full moon, packs of werewolves traveling in groups would break up and travel vast distances alone so they wouldn't attack each other. The full moon was Bane's worst enemy.
"Hey, Jeb." Bane said, his voice dripping with fake enthusiasm. He was too anxious about his brother for frivolous conversation.
Jeb hurried over to Bane, and smiled. He glanced around as though searching for something, and frowned. "Where's Fang?" he asked innocently.
Oh, I dunno. A week ago some cloaked man grabbed Fang, knocked me out and disappeared. thought Bane with bitter sarcasm. "Uh- h-he sta-stayed in a town us two went through be-before. He, uh, doesn't care for the vagabond life anymore. I-I think he said he's going to train t-to b-be a, er, a blacksmith. Uh, he's an a-apprentice. I believe he fancies the smith's daughter." Normally a sovereign among liars, Bane stuttered like a guilty child.
One of Jeb’s bushy eyebrows went up like a warning flag. “I don’t believe you.” he said, crossing his arms.
Bane’s breath caught in his throat. What if he inquired about the town? What if he proposed they both visit Fang? What if...
Suddenly Jeb beamed. “That skinny boy a blacksmith? She must be one remarkable girl.”
Bane sighed with relief. “She’s quite pretty, I suppose.”
“Come by at the tavern with me, and we’ll have a drink. There’s someone I want you to meet.”
As they walked, Bane observed Ostia. The air smelled thickly of salt. The townspeople were furiously preparing for the arrival of the royal family. Bane saw a woman outside of a bakery dressed in her finest outfit, fiercely attacking the dusty street with a broom as her daughter fed scraps of stale bread to seagulls. To the south, he could see the Letztes Hafen mountains looming impressively.
“You know, I could do other things then be a wilderness guide, too.” interjected Jeb unexpectedly. He was apparently still thinking of Fang.
“What do you mean?” asked Bane curiously.
“Shortly after you and Fang left the last time I saw you two- I think we were somewhere around the town of Nerra- I got another client. He was a demon hunter.”
Bane scowled inwardly. "Demon hunter" was a euphemism for werewolf murderer. Demon hunters were paid to slaughter werewolves.
“Anyway, we were walking and I saw these two wolves. One was black-
about as dark as your hair. The other one was silver. They were just standing
there, watching us. I thought it was peculiar that they didn’t dash away like
wolves normally do. I said it out loud, and the demon hunter said, ‘We ought to
be careful because those are werewolves’. I asked how he knew, and he said it’s
because werewolves are bigger than normal animals. He told me a lot about
werewolves.”
Bane could hardly conceal his smile as Jeb rattled off all the new facts (and
some of them, vicious propaganda against Bane’s kind) he’d learned. Those
two werewolves had been him and Fang.
“But the point is, when we finally reached our destination he told me that
I was strong and that I could be a demon hunter, too! Can you imagine that? Me
as a demon hunter?’
Bane could imagine it. He could imagine his best friend capturing him,
being the one to place the silver chain around his neck. He shuddered.
“Where were you taking him?” asked Bane, trying to be conversational.
“Oh, he and some other hunters had a camp set up somewhere near here.
When he and I got there, his fellow hunters were actually in the process
of getting rid of several werewolves. I got to stay and watch!”
The young werewolf felt sickened by the excitement in his friend’s voice.
A sense of paranoia crept up on him. The hunters had set up camp just outside
of Ostia! Perhaps they had seen him, saw his blood red eyes, a key trait of all
werewolves- and recognized him for what he was.
Jeb continued to speak. “You should have seen them all rolling around on
the ground like animals! That’s all they are really. Animals. The world would be
improved if all the demons were gotten rid of. Ah! Here we are!”
Bane looked up and saw a sign that read Anglo’s Alehouse. It was a delap-
idated building- it’s roof shingles were pealing, and the door had obviously been
re-hinged, probably after having been torn off in an ale-fueled bar fight.
Jeb held the door open for Bane and the two entered.
The building had a dirt floor, and was crowded with tables and chairs
everywhere. Men talked loudly and drank, while others quietly sipped their
beverages alone in dark corners.
Jeb quickly scanned the room. “There she is!” he announced happily,
apparently unaware of Bane’s sour mood, which had been darkened by the
previous discussion.
Jeb led Bane to a dark corner of the tavern, where a young girl of about
Bane’s age sat nervously, glancing around and jumping at every sound. She was
obviously very wealthy. She was wearing a tight-fitting indigo dress with loose
sleeves that were trimmed with lace. Bane could tell my the unnatural curve of
her thin waist that she was wearing a corset, a garment he found unattractively
fake.
Bane sucked in his breath as he examined her face. She was the most
gorgeous human he had ever laid eyes on. Her delicately feminine features were
aligned perfectly on her face. Her skin was as pale as a vampire, except for a bit
of rosy color splashed around her cheeks. Her nose turned up aristocratically.
Her eyes were a deep unsettling green. She had long delicate fingers that would
have looked out of place on a common farm girl. Her hair was long and blonde.
Too long to be practical.
“There you are!” she exclaimed angrily. “How dare you leave me so long
at such an establishment! Do you know what could have happened to me?” Her
accent was that of aristocratic society.
I really am an urchin, thought Bane, contemplating the simple dialect of
Common Speech he spoke.
“Sorry,” apologized Jeb sincerely, bowing slightly to the noble girl. Then
he turned to Bane. “This is Neerie. She’s looking for a guide to take her-?” he
paused and looked at Neerie.
“Gaelica,” she said firmly, her eyes flashing with rebellion and defiance.
Gaelica was the country south of the kingdom of. She’s leaving the king-
dom? Bane thought suspiciously. He yearned to ask whether or not she was
running away, but it was the policy of wilderness guides not to ask why their
clients were going to their final destinations.
Instead, he only whistled. “That’s quite a bit of traveling. It’s going to cost
you a decent amount of money.”
The girl sniffed defiantly. “I have money.”
“Then I can get you there in a little less than a month,” replied Bane.
“That’s a month of life outdoors. You’ll be sleeping without a bed, eating
whatever I can catch. If you get tired and delay us more than a day, it’ll cost you
extra. Understand that, girly?” The last thing Bane wanted was a spoiled brat
to tug around for a month. Also, a month was an extremely long time to go
without shifting. After about a weeks exposure to iron or wolfs bane, a werewolf
would gradually become sick and weak. A month could kill him if he didn’t
shift.
Jeb frowned at Bane with disapproval. “You’ve gotten bad-tempered in
the month since I saw you last.” he declared.
Bane felt a jolt of surprise. “In the month? I haven’t seen you in a month?”
Jeb shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
God, thought Bane. Full moon would arrive soon. “I’m sorry, girly. I can’t
be taking you then.”
Neerie’s eyebrows contracted. “Why?” she pouted.
“I’m supposed to see my brother.” he lied. “Aye. That’s it. Sorry.” He
turned to Jeb. “Well it was pleasant seeing you, but I ought to be leaving.
Goodbye!”
He left the tavern as quickly as he could and retreated into the woods. It
was nearly nightfall. He’d shift soon. I need to find another werewolf to ask when the
full moon is, he deliberated. But right now he was drained. Bane hardly felt like
living now that his brother was gone, and his best friend was contemplating
becoming a werewolf hunter. He shut his eyes and wished it would all go away.
Really good!
I can't review at the moment, I promise i will eventually, but I really liked it!
At first I thought it would be another supernatural cheesy romance, but you really conveyed a more realistic setting and world. I'll be sure to read all the upcoming chapters.